When working with adults who were abused as children, I guide people through the process to change self-destructive messages of fear, shame and depression, replacing them with realistic messages of self-worth, inner security and hope. It is courageous to take steps toward healing, and it is a path that you do not have to travel alone. Therapy can provide support along with way.
Helping Adult Who Were Abused as Children
Some people link their struggles in adulthood to childhood abuse, whether verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse. As you begin to explore the impact of past abuse on your life, it may be helpful to explore:
- Do you experience depression and/or anxiety that you see as related to childhood traumas?
- Do you call yourself names and put yourself down, using negative messages you heard as a child?
- Has emotional, physical or sexual abuse in childhood affected the way you think and act as an adult?
- Do you believe the abuse was your fault?
- Are you carrying shame and secrets into your adulthood?
- Do you shy away from intimacy, and do you distrust people even when they are worthy of trust?
- Are you uncomfortable with the ways you show anger?
- Are you afraid of aggressive impulses or afraid to speak up for yourself?
- Are your actions self-destructive?
- Do you allow others to attack your self-esteem or do you attack the self-esteem of others?
- Do you feel stuck in the past and have difficulty living your life fully in the present?
What are the Effects of Abuse?
Often, the abuse has had a longstanding negative effect on many aspects of people’s lives, leaving them feeling trapped by the traumas of their past. Some of the common scars from trauma are:
- depression
- anxiety
- difficulty handling distress, frustrations and anger
- inability to trust even trustworthy people
- difficulties with commitments
- fear of abandonment
- excessive guilt or shame
- communication problems
- sexual difficulties
- mood swings
- self-destructive behaviors such as substance abuse, self-injury, overeating, suicidal thinking, violence, excessive self-criticism and/or unhealthy relationships
The Therapeutic Process
Left unchallenged, negative messages carried from childhood abuse can leave adults vulnerable to treating themselves poorly. To lessen the hold of these traumas, a person first needs to feel safe enough to voice things that she or he may have kept secret or tried to avoid over the years. Therapy, with true listening, guidance, a non-judgmental stance, and straightforward communication can help in the healing process. Being heard and supported in the therapy relationship can help someone feel self-worth enough to learn and use:
- healthy coping skills
- assertive communication
- management of emotions
- resilience in the face of distress
- healthy decision-making
From the start, I strive to create an atmosphere in which people are confident that they will be heard. People then potentially feel hopeful, find their voice, and act to make positive life changes.
There is Hope for Change!